


you've got a second chance, you could go home

by flowercoast



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, angsty beginning with fluffier ending, healing and catharsis only in this house, jester gets angry and beau tries to minimalize, post ep 93, they both talk shit out though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:35:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22490911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowercoast/pseuds/flowercoast
Summary: “I need you,” Jester whispers, voice cracking.“Oh.” Beau deflates and reaches up, presses her warm palm against the back of Jester’s hand and swallows hard against the lump coming up her throat.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett
Comments: 5
Kudos: 194





	you've got a second chance, you could go home

There’s no time to talk about anything, after. The Mighty Nein, sore, bruised,  _ exhausted _ , run away, deep into the woods without a second glance back. Beau can hardly see through the night but when she stumbles, it’s easy to pick herself back up and keep on running, panting through the pain and the tiredness. Surviving is what she’s good at - always been good at. 

The Nein run and don’t stop running until they physically can’t, collapsing in a grove surrounded by dense thicket and trees so tall they looked like lingering shadows. No one talks. No one moves. Caleb quietly sets up the hut but none of them fall asleep easily. Beau sees Fjord’s tense shoulders, laying down next to Cad whose eyes are wide open, like bright pink lights in the dark. Yasha’s sitting up and staring straight out into the darkness, hands curling and uncurling around her leather book. Nott and Caleb are huddled together - not talking, not doing anything except leaning on each other and breathing. Jester is laying down but she’s awake. Beau stares up at the endless abyss of shadows above their heads until the sun rises. 

In the morning, none of them talk. Maybe it’s from the fear of being caught, or maybe it’s from the hesitance to break the silence burdened with questions that are too tough to slog through. Everyone knows that nows not a good time. But really, is any time a good time? Beau would much rather not talk about anything at all, ever. She just wants to go back to the Xhorhouse, finally help Nott, and then forget the last couple of days ever existed.

Caleb draws his teleportation circle on the ground and one by one, they step through, sucked through time and space. When Beau steps forward, Caleb very hesitantly lays a hand on her shoulder. She shrugs him off and steps through.

Xhorhas looks exactly the same as when they left it. Endless dark sky, somehow vibrant houses looming overhead as they land on the cobblestone street right in front of their house. It looks exactly the same even though it feels like it’s been literal years since they were there last. 

Beau clenches her jaw and follows the others inside.

Their footsteps echo on the hardwood floors, bouncing all around the house like it’s barren and empty. Fjord is the first to stop right in the middle of the living room, his arms crossing as his eyes dart around to stare at each of them directly. Cad pauses too, takes a tired seat on the couch and lets the cushions just swallow him up with how he lets himself go completely boneless. Yasha paces the length of the room while Caleb and Nott watch from the doorway. Jester is off to the side, frowning deeply.

Beau pauses on the stairs. 

“Um.” Fjord scans their faces. “What the fuck just happened?”

No one talks. No one moves. They all just stare at each other, raw and open and so very fucking confused. Beau’s head really fucking hurts. 

She walks up the stairs instead of staying, even when Fjord starts slowly asking questions directly to each of them. They can figure their own shit out - Beau doesn’t need to be there for this. All she needs to know is that Nott can change back now, and she’ll help when they’re ready for it, but for now she really wants to either sleep for eleven fucking years or get absolutely wasted and start a bar brawl. The second option is not really feasible, unfortunately, because they actually have a reputation to uphold in Roshonna and whatnot. 

So she crashes face first into the bed.

It only takes about five minutes or so for a set of footsteps to come thundering up the steps, not even pausing at the door before it’s thrown open with enough force to tear it off of it’s hinges. Beau gulps and flips over, propping over herself up on her arms to see Jester, her face a mixture of confusion and anger and sadness. It’s makes Beau feel really uncomfortable to look at, because she just knows this is about her, so she looks away, plays with some loose thread on the bedsheets instead.

“So... “ Beau starts when a minute passes of tense silence, filled only by Jester’s angry breaths. “That was wild, huh?”

Jester scoffs - an angry, bitter sound. “Wild?” Beau winces. 

The floorboards creak as Jester stomps over to the bed, standing right in front of Beau and planting her hands on her hips. Even though Beau’s well aware she should look up, be brave and look Jester in the eye, she keeps her eyes firmly trained on the bedsheet, fingers still pulling at the threads in the blanket. If she pulls any more, the whole thing will come undone. 

“What the fuck were you thinking, Beau?” 

Beau swallows roughly. “Dunno what you’re talking about.”

Jester growls. Like, actually growls. It’s kinda weird and cool at the same time because Beau’s never heard her do that outside of combat, except now it’s directed right at her. Jester’s  _ angry  _ at  _ her _ . She would be proud if she wasn’t so tense. Beau’s shoulders bunch around her ears and her hand flattens, palm pressed to the bedspread.

“You want to walk away? From this? From us? You want to leave?”   
  


“No, that’s not -” 

“Then what is it, Beau? Huh? Why did you want to give up yourself so easily?” 

Beau frowns, runs a hand over her hair and stares out the window, out into the empty street. “I did it for Nott.” 

“Bullshit.”

“I did.” Finally, Beau drags her gaze from the window, looking up to meet Jester’s indignant and glowing purple eyes. She’s tense, arms crossed and tail lashing around behind her agitatedly. 

“No, you didn’t.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Jester -” Beau breathes out harshly. “I did it for Nott, I want to help Nott, I offered up something in exchange for Nott’s happiness.”

“You offered up yourself, you offered to leave!” Jester’s nails are digging into her upper arm so hard Beau’s worried she’ll draw blood.

“It’s not like that -” 

“Then what is it like?” Jester throws her arms up wildly, eyes flaring bright. “What is it like Beau! Because from what I know you offered to leave us forever, to leave me forever, like - do you even - do you even know what that would do to us? Do you? We need you Beau -”

Beau scoffs. “You don’t, though.”

“Beau. Of course we do.”

“No, you don’t.” Restless and shaking, Beau stands, deftly sidestepping around Jester to pace towards the window. “You don’t need me. Nott needed it more, anyways.”

“What do you mean, ‘Nott needed it more’ - Beau, I’m saying we need you! You can’t go!”

“Why? Huh? Why do you need me? So I can punch shit with my fists? Yasha can cleave anything in half with her sword, you don’t need me for that. You need me to research shit? Caleb’s amazing at that. You need me for a teleportation circle? Caleb knows the spell and Essek can get you anywhere? Want me to talk to people? Fjord’s already amazing at that.” Beau pauses, lays her hand against the wall to steady herself. “You don’t need me.”

“Beau -”

She pushes off from the wall, whirling around and arms curling around her midsection. “I’m not like you, Jester! I ain’t got magic shit, I don’t have dope ass wings, I don’t have a magic sword. I have my fists and my baggage and my shit attitude and no one fucking needs that. No one needs me.” Beau breathes out heavily and scratches at her arms. “Look, I’d rather give my life up than see any one of you guys hurt, okay?”

“But what about us?” Jester’s still angry, her fangs poking out every other word as her lips curl up with the force of her frown. “How do you think we’d feel if you were hurt? If you had to leave?”

“I’m sure you’d manage.”

Jester snarls, walks right up to Beau. “No, we wouldn’t! That’s the point, Beau. We wouldn’t manage, and you didn’t have to do that! You’re worth more than a witch’s fucking misery and you’re worth more than you think!” She jabs her finger into Beau’s shoulder, hard. “We wouldn’t manage - we don’t want to manage. We want you!” 

Beau clenches her jaw and looks at the floor. “You don’t need me, though. Nott needs her life back, and that was the best option.”

“Beau.” Jester shifts, presses her palm to Beau’s cheek so she can look her straight in the eyes, so Beau can see the intensity in her purple irises. 

“It’s true -”

“No,” Jester cuts her off, quick. Steps in closer and lifts her other hand to cup Beau’s face in her palms. “We need you.”

“For what?”

Jester sucks in a breath. She’s still frowning though, and the high flush from her anger still hasn’t faded from her cheeks. Her eyes flicker away for a beat, and when they come back to meet Beau’s gaze they’re still fierce and angry but teary now, too. Beau’s hands twitch at her sides. 

“I need you,” Jester whispers, voice cracking. 

“Oh.” Beau deflates and reaches up, presses her warm palm against the back of Jester’s hand and swallows hard against the lump coming up her throat. 

With a deeper breath and a shake of her head, Jester tips forward, pressing her forehead to Beau’s. “I’m still mad at you.”

“I know.” Beau slides her hand up to Jester’s wrist, fingers circling around her blue wrist. “I know. I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t.” A tear trails down Jester’s cheek. “Don’t leave us.”

She squeezes Jester’s wrist tight, tears gathering in her eyes. “I won’t.”

“Promise me, Beau. Because you matter to us, and you’re important, and we need you. I need you here, so - so promise me you won’t do that. You won’t leave and you won’t try and offer your life up for us.” 

Beau clears her throat shakily and wills herself not to cry. “I… I promise I won’t leave.”

Jester stares into her eyes hard, holding her gaze with an intensity that makes Beau feel raw, exposed. She purses her lips but nods, her forehead still pressed against Beau’s. 

“I’m sorry, for doing that.” Sniffling quietly, Beau leans into Jester’s hand. “I didn’t mean to worry you - I mean. I want to stay. I want to never leave you either. I just…” 

“... We won’t leave you either.”

Beau sucks in a sharp breath. “Okay.”

Jester frowns and shakes her head. “I mean it, Beau. We won’t leave. I’ll never leave you.” Her hand slides from Beau’s cheek to the back of her neck, and then Beau is being pulled in, tugged towards the open circle of Jester’s arms as Jester tucks her head against Beau’s neck. “I promise I won’t leave. You can’t leave me too.”

“I’m sorry. I won’t.” Beau wraps her arms tight around Jester’s shoulders and squeezes, feeling her breaths puff out against her skin as her own heartbeat slows, tears still threatening to leave her eyes. Jester is not tense, anymore, but Beau can still feel the residual anger in her shoulders, the red a fading memory. “Hey uh… You getting angry was something, huh?”

Jester giggles wetly, and Beau holds on tighter in response. “Yeah… It was... “

“Nice?”

“Yeah.”

“I really am sorry, Jes.” Still wrapped tight around Jester, Beau hopes her words are getting through correctly. 

“Just don’t do it again.”

“Deal.”

It’s quiet for a few moments, just the two of them breathing in and clutching on to each other. The house is quiet, too. Beau wonders if they could hear their conversation. “Hey, Beau?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m really glad you’re here.”

Beau breathes in deep, wraps her arms even more tightly around Jester and closes her eyes to stop the tears from falling. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

**Author's Note:**

> holy fuck last episode… i need to process by writing angsty beau fics. also this is my prediction for the next ep i speak it into existence now  
> title taken from “medicine” by daughter  
> catch me on tumblr @flowercoasts! my askbox is always open!


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